I really felt it the last time I went home. Granted, none of my college age friends were home, but everything just felt different. I'm sure it's a mix of me and them, but a major change is occuring. My senior year, everyone was close---we were a group, but now it seems like everyone is breaking into their own mini-groups, and mini-groups are never as good as the original group. I could just feel that we were no longer on the same page at all anymore, and while that is inevitable, it's still hard. I'm growing, they're growing, everyone is growing and changing and it's hard and it's weird and it's awkward, but I suppose it has to happen.
I'm feeling closer to people at school, though. The first half of this year I truly felt that I had no one, but it all seems to have changed this semester-- I finally feel like I'm being accepted. I'm placing the blame for my first semester on myself because I was afraid and nervous and awkward. I always felt that I was simply tagging along to things instead of being wanted. But now, although I do still feel like that sometimes because everyone else is so close already and I do feel like somewhat of an outsider and I still feel annoying sometimes, I feel like I'm wanted more, like people are enjoying having me with them. It's nice. Temple is finally starting to feel like home to me. Almost. Sorta. Kinda. It took longer than it did for other people, because I am so connected to central Pennsylvania and Carlisle, but it's finally starting to feel more real.
I'm feeling more at peace with myself this semester. To me, that is the best feeling in the world, and I have even more hopes for next semester. I feel comfortable with my decisions on who to live with and what to major in and who to associate with. I'm beginning to feel more mature and grown-up and that is exciting. I'm feeling more confident and I'm glad.
Basically, I'm finally starting to feel more like Corrie again.