Saturday, May 23, 2009

i'll be here when it all gets weird

WOW. Sup, blog? Long time no update.

Home has been better than expected, but there have still been moments of awkwardness. I don't feel as close to everyone, which is depressing but understandable and I have accepted it- I am torn between two worlds so there will be uncertainty in between.

I was watching P.S. I Love You the other day (yeah, i like it) and discovered the amazing soundtrack, but more importantly the song "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" by Flogging Molly. It's absolutely beautiful, both musically and lyrically. It's my recent feelings put to music. (PROPS 2 THE IRISH.) Listen to it.

But summer update? Sure.
Suburbia has been good to me. Being in Carlisle makes me so happy and I feel like myself while I'm walking down the tired streets. Hanging out on Dickinson's campus and sitting in the red chairs feels like home, but I do get jealous of the high grass level. C'mon, TU. (Dickinson does not have a secret garden, though.)

Summer been a series of random hanging out in different basements and working and driving in the country but not country drives. It's been nice spending time with my family and friends and the changes that have happened over the past year are not enough to make me not enjoy myself. My friends are good people and no matter how close we may or not be we do have fun, even if we can't always agree how to spend our time.

Tomorrow is Sally's party, which I am very much looking forward to. It'll be nice to party at home with a group of people in which I feel comfortable with each and every one of them.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

you spin my head right round...

right round. like a record, baby. right round round round.
that is what i would say to the end of my freshman year if the end of my freshman year was ever personified.

i am a mixed bag of emotions, but one thing that i am sure of is that i feel completely different than i expected at the beginning of the year. i really love temple now. i love my friends here, they are great people. to be honest, i probably feel more like myself with them at this point than i will when i go home and see the majority of the people there. i just feel comfortable here, and having just now gotten to that point makes it hard to leave that.
i of course want to see my family; i miss them so much. jayda saw my dad and brennan at the grocery store yesterday and i got really jealous. i want to see my dad and my brother! i can't wait for my mom and dad to come pick me up next wednesday. 5 days away. INSANE.
but still, moving out means that deedee is no longer my roommate. (but it does mean that jimmy officially is!) i'm going to miss dee so much. she is someone that i would never have been friends with under regular circumstances, but i am so glad we were put together. S214 has seen its ups and downs with roommates, but dee and i have stuck it out and it shows. i am so glad that everything worked out, because i really do love that girl. it's going to be a big adjustment to not have her to come back and bitch to right when i get back from class. jimmy better be ready ;)

going home for the summer was something that i have been excited for since winter break, until about 4 weeks ago. i went home for easter and things were remarkably different. a bad different and it was really hard to be there. granted, jayda wasn't there, which always makes things easier for me, but i kept feeling like i should still be close with every single person i was with. but i didn't. this was around the time that i started to feel a lot closer to people here, which could have something to do with it, but i also think that as a group, my home friends are just growing apart. i am a traditionalist, in every sense of the word, and for me it was really hard to accept. fortunately, i have done so at this point, but it took a lot of time and jayda's convincing. A. LOT.
another peice of the home puzzle is the fact that shawn and i are pretty much no longer, although i don't really regret it that much. we weren't meant to be friends for the long run, and if the reason that he's mad at me is because i got close with people here and he didn't, then it becomes a touchy situation. in retrospect, i should've put more effort into it, but if i put as much in as i did the first semester, i would be with no friends next year when he isn't here anymore. this summer is going to be shawn and i's final test, and while i hope we pass it, i am not very optimistic. but who knows what will happen when we're forced to get through our awkwardness for the sake of our shared group of friends.

on top of all that is my hectic beyond belief finals and moving out schedule, which i have pretty much accepted, although it sucks. hard. but i'll get through it and then i'll go home, which despite all of my mixed feelings will definitely be relaxing for a very long time. i am excited that i will get to see jayda and sally all of the time, and i plan to hang out with todd a lot more this summer. i also plan to be in harrisburg with caitlin and jimmy every now and then, and hopefully even take some roadtrips with them to see everyone else from the temple gang. we'll see how everything goes. i'm so excited for the summer, but i will miss the city and temple and my friends.

while listening to music that shall remain undisclosed, i got really excited for summer in carlisle. driving on summer nights, to be specific. i love summer nights. they are one thing that just wouldn't be the same in the city.
ok, i am excited to go home. very excited. but things will be different. that's what the above rant is about.